We see things as we are - our experiences, our beliefs, our traditions and our insecurities.
All of these things play into how we think and ultimately how we feel and act.
This happened to me. I had booked a speaker for a large event. I was excited and had told others about it. Then this morning I got on the speaker's website to get bio information and a picture for advertising and noticed that my event was not on the calendar and a different event was scheduled for that day instead!
I was sure this speaker had double booked and that I would be getting the shaft! I was stressed. I was placing blame. I wasn't sure how to proceed.
I sent an email to the presenter noting that we were not on the event schedule and asked for clarification (the whole time assuming that we wouldn't be able to have her at our event). Even though I didn't mean to, I'm sure the presenter could feel my frustration because I was frustrated when I wrote the email.
She emailed back that her website had recently been changed and the events page wasn't up to date. She assured me that she would be at our event and not to worry.
As a coach, I could have come up with any number of assumptions that would have helped dispel frustration while I was emailing and trying to understand the situation better.
It would have helped me.
I would have been less stressed.
It would have given her the benefit of the doubt until I knew for sure what was going on.
I know that is always available to me.
And it's always available to you.
The more confident you are, the more likely you will be to give people the benefit of the doubt.
So, when you might want to be frustrated but don't have the whole story, make up a story where you don't get frustrated. This helps you behave in a way that is kind and unassuming.
It feels better to you and to them!
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